Winter

It is – 15 degrees outside and I am feeling particularly grateful to the person(s) who developed heaters. Winter is still in full force and the rest of the week is looking just as frigid. Even when I dressed this morning, my clothes were cold to the touch and I certainly shivered until they were warmed by my body heat.

There is something I’ve been pondering these past few days…My membership in ADF. I do not feel like I always belong, just a person set on the side lines. I think this is mostly my fault, as I get anxious around other people. These folks are very kind, and I have assimilated a lot from ADF. However, I have been questioning my desire to stick with it. Most of the clergy are Elitist or condescending toward me. I respect that they have gone through a lot of training and harbor a great deal of information, but one can be like this AND treat newer people with respect and encouragement. Maybe my expectations of Clergy members if unrealistic. But I have heard complaints about this from others too.

I am not saying ADF is a bad organization. It’s pretty wonderful, in fact. But I’m not sure its my niche. At this point I’m mostly hanging on because I like doing the scholarly work, I’ve made a few friends, and because I like the prestige. A lot of people are impressed when you say you are a member of A Druid Fellowship. But I think pursuing a spiritual path just for the social status is missing the point entirely, and I wonder how I got here. When I was solitary, Druidry was such a deep personal relationship and I feel like I’ve grown away from it. I won’t say rituals are bad, but it is the relationship to the Earth, Ancestors and Shining Ones, whether I am in ritual or not, is what really carried me through some darker times. I feel a lot more confident about doing solitary work. 

I am on the fence about ADF, but I won’t make a hasty decision. I really do feel uncomfortable about group rituals, as ritual has always been so personal to me, and private. 

In any case, I am out of time and must head to work. I’m sure I will ponder these things throughout the day.

 

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About Siofra |Nathifa|

A Druid and a Kemetic Pagan. I have studied Celtic Traditions, European Shamanism, the Fairy Faith, Native American Traditions, Wicca, Witchcraft and have explored New Age beliefs. I guess you could say I'm eclectic, but right now my focus is on Druidry and Kemetic Traditions. I am by no means, an expert in any of these interests. I am also a Bard in training.
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2 Responses to Winter

  1. Eilish Niamh says:

    Have you thought about looking into other druid paths such as OBOD or AODA? I’m a druid who did not join ADF in part because I did not like the idea of clergy or set, standard ritual, or strict polytheism. Basically, I love my personal relationship with the ancestors and gods and goddesses in the way I understand them. Even while in a seed group, so not solitary, there is no group deity to honor, dogma to adopt, or unnecessary hierarchy to live by or put up with as case may be. In my seed group, a few of us are agnostic, at least one person is playing with the idea of atheism, several of us believe in god/goddess but are not hard core polytheist, and we might end up with a strict polytheist at some point. In any case, perhaps explore other ways to practice druidry while remaining in ADF and that way you’ll know for sure whether you’re being called to be solitary, or just practice differently.

    • I had heard of OBOD, but not the other organization. One observation I have made is that ADF is very ritual oriented. They have rituals for everything and all are public. I was told that ADF doesn’t care what you do in your private time, but that you must adhere to the strict rules of your public Grove while in ritual, To me, it makes ADF more for show than a deep spiritual pathway. I must admit I am nervous about being in a ritual with others. I have performance anxiety (and a number of different anxiety disorders) so this is very difficult for me. I barely feel comfortable in my Grove, and they suggested I go to…Wellspring, I think? Where nudity is open and free for all. I guess I’m just a prude. Lol.

      The husbands of the women in the Grove are very awesome. I know one is an Athiest, another Agnostic, and I’m not too sure about the third guy. The priestess’ baby is a part of the rituals as her husband holds her while she performs. I think this is wonderful because it shows how open ADF is to others. But does it make these men Druids? An interesting question I think. 🙂 Now that I can print things off, it is much easier then me walking around and consulting my laptop in mid ritual. Lol. I am getting better at it. I just use whatever I have assimilated from all the Pagan pathways that I’ve dabbled in and studied. I am really an Eclectic Pagan. People frown down on that, but its my life and I can choose what road I care about veering down next. I couldn’t turn my back on my Irish Celtic studies, not when they are so ingrained within my soul. Nor can I throw away the Kemetic practices, because they feel so right.

      Thank you for your input. 🙂 I appreciate it.

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