I didn’t realize what I was getting into when I decided to date my boyfriend, who got deployed a month ago. Our first month apart.
I am going through some emotionally difficult times. Like first, I shared too much information about his deployment (yay for Facebook frankness). Then I erroneously set him an e-mail about what I’m going through, healing from my past sexual abuse and dealing with my sexual orientation questions. I basically explained that I need time and space to figure things out, and to work with my new counselor on these things. And had an older friend, who is married to a soldier, inform me that I was being immature and distracting him from the mission. That was not my intent at all! I was just being emotionally and mentally honest with him, but I can see how that counts as relationship drama, something he doesn’t need to be thinking about. I think I pretty much can’t dump him until he comes home otherwise his ability to function as a soldier could get compromised.
I’m not saying that I will dump him anyway, but its one of my options…or well, use to be. I hate the thought of lying to him, but if it means he is mentally 100% there for his mission, then I guess lying is the way to go.
It’s funny, because I didn’t know I was in such a mentally tenuous state. I’m still crying because I feel like I royally screwed up. I sent him a second e-mail apologizing and assuring him that I’ll be okay. And I will. I’m under a lot of stress too. Which is why I’m still crying. I just don’t know what to do in these situations. My dad was in the Reserves and he was never deployed over seas. So I don’t know how I’m supposed to be, or how to interact.
Alright. Time to spend some time with my Gods and Goddesses. That should make me feel better, or cry more. I guess I’ll just have to see. But I do know, I will not make this mistake twice. No dumping personal issues on your soldier boyfriend. You’ve been informed.
And now to ponder on ideas for a care package…